Now I Know

You know, over these past few years I've gone through a lot of emotions and a lot of questions, but a main one has always been, could I really adopt? Could I make that transition easily? Going from my daily business to a baby in my arms without any pre pregnancy planing, could I love a child out of no where unconditionally as they were my own?

Of course in thought I would like to say yes! But when it came to reality would it be possible?

I can now say without a doubt, oh yes. After finishing my last job working with children under the age of 6, who have disabilities, and obstacles of poverty that many of us do not even have to deal with in our nightmares, I can say oh yes I definitely could.

Their humor and unconditional love for me has really touched me. Friday was a fairly emotional day for me saying goodbye to those kids who have helped me through more heartache than they will ever know. They lightened and mended my pained heart helping me to heal. I looo-ved all of the funny things they said and did, but mostly when they would tell me they loved me, or invite me to their birthday parties, or hug me for no reason, or sing crazy songs with me and draw me pictures to take home. Or finally "got" what Ive been trying to teach them, and watch them turn around and teach another child.

Some of my favorites have been:

1. Whenever it was time to keep our mouths quiet and a child would scream, " Miss Leisa, look what I did, aren't you proud of me?" I would quietly give them a huge smile and give them a big thumbs up. One day I asked the kids if they were happy about something we had just done, and when I turned around to look at them and see why they weren't answering me I got 12 thumbs up from all my 4 year olds.

2. "Miss Leisa, you are my favorite, and because of that you can sit by me at lunch and listen to my mp3 player." (He is 4 years old!)

3. " If I am a female, and my daddy is a male, what is an email?"

4. I asked one girl if she needed special lotion for her chapped cheeks, specifically wondering if she had prescription lotion and she said, " uhmmmmm.... I think because I am a special girl that I DO deserve special lotion!" She is three years old.

5. When I asked a girl what "Love" meant to her to put on her valentines car for her mom...she said..." It's being joyful about something that you got but didn't really want."

6. I'm 5"10 and get a lot of comments on my height like....." Your Huge!" " Are you still growing?" ...... and my favorite, I was trying to tie a knot in a balloon but my fingers were too big to fit through the hole and one of the kids told me that it was because I have " Massive hands"

7. I was asked on my first day there by a four year old if i lived at home by myself, I said...no, that I lived with my husband. I was then asked if I had kids. I said no, not yet. And this little girl said to me, " Don't you know that when you get married you are supposed to have kids? All you have to do is go to the doctor and get him to take away some blood and poof! you have a baby."...(I also had a little girl tell me that she was a potato in her mom ma's belly until "one day i just popped out!")

8. I asked a little boy what the word "Family" meant and he said... "My heart"

9. One day I looked over at a little girl playing house with a boy and girl doll. apparently they were getting married because they were talking and then they kissed. But while they kissed she made sure to sing " I know you I walked with you once upon a Dream" and then stopped the song when they stopped kissing. Someone watched a little bit of Disney I suppose!

10. A couple weeks ago a little three year old boy pipped up and sang " TOO MOR OW, TOOOO MOR OW, I Love YA TOMORROW, YOUR ONLY A DAY AWAY!" over and over to me. Oh I love it! I wish i had written more down each day I worked there.


11. And I love everyday that a child clings to me, or happily screams my name, or wants JUST me to do something for them like tie their shoes or read them a book, or teach them how to zip their coat or fix a puzzle. I play football with them outside and they all want me to catch the football so they can run and try to catch me as I dodge their little hands. Or when I dance with them and teach them silly little line dances or swing dance with them picking them up in the air. I just love those little happy giggles, or being the only one who can calm their little tears. I sure will miss them more then they know.

One of them asked me on my last day why I had to leave them and take a new job...ouch...I wished I could have explained to him why. But no answer seemed good enough for him. But he took the news with stride and opened up his mp3 player to play his favorite song.."TNT" one more time for me.....if we all could take changes in life so easily!

But the unconditional love I have for each of these children reassures me that without a doubt I could love any child placed in my home and has healed my heart in preparation for that exact future moment....whenever that may be!