I am not my body Vs Lost my muchness

I love this movie..ALICE IN WONDERLAND..I get so into movies sometimes and really see myself in character's and their roles. Recently we watched for the first time and I thought, I feel the same way! At one point (I can't remember who..maybe the Mad Hatter) points to Alice and tells her she isn't the same Alice as before because she has lost her "Muchness" Alice's father's death had a profound affect on her life. She lost her confidence, her drive, she lost the essence of who she was and began to be bounced around in life by others decisions for her.

I have to say... I can relate.

This recent difficulty in the last five years of my health has made me feel like I am what my physical weakness is. Does that even make sense? The more surgeries I have, the more I find out is wrong, the more pain I feel, the more physical weakness I feel..play a part mentally in this crazy eroding game of cat and mouse. I try to be optimistic..fight through the pain..then have to have another surgery...I rise again staying optimistic, to find out another health problem has been added to the list..I regain motivation again..in order to lose my job over my surgery recovery...it's this up and down of trying to be strong during a time when my body has been weak. Trying to have the strength to go beyond physical limitation and still serve, bless, help, love....all the while in the back feeling like I am my body..weak, tired, in pain..I am what my body is. And slowly sometimes I see my "muchness" fading away.

My confidence, drive for goals, accomplishing my goals, determination..things I love about myself chipping away during the fight.

And then I watch things like this video..http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KHDvxPjsm8E ...and I think..that is it! There is the truth! I am not my body, the weakness of it does not define me, my pain does not define me..just because my body is weak..does not define me as weak!

I do not have to find an adventure like Alice where I have to rise up and defend the weak in order to find myself again.

Instead I will share with you what I HAVE done...I HAVE come to a knowledge that I am God's daughter. That His work and glory is for all of us to return to him one day. If that is the grand purpose..then every experience along the way nods to that path.

I recently attended a women's convention where Jillian Michaels of "The Biggest Loser' spoke and said, " If you can figure out the "why" you can handle any "how."

And I thought how true...Why I ultimately go through these trials on earth is to overcome all weakness to become more like Christ and be worthy and clean to live with God again one day.
So "why" do I endure? So I can live with God again...and then I know I can endure any 'how' or 'trial' to get there.

I HAVE come to understand that the atonement of Jesus Christ not only covered our sins but our physical, emotional, and spiritual ailments. So I not only help ask for help in overcoming sin..but also for healing strength to overcome the emotional damages of trials and physical pain. But I have to ask, I have to have faith in Christ, believe that he can heal me if I do my part in trying to overcome them..and I can work on this daily! So many times I think I can only ask for help and healing after a trial has passed. Not true..he can help strengthen me during a trial.."ease my burden".

This personal revelation has helped me to rise above my fading self image..and given me courage...strength..motivation..joy..purpose...love...and isn't that what muchness really is?